A great first date can be an exciting step toward a relationship, but a bad first date can be difficult to overcome. You want to be yourself genuinely, but you also want to impress your date. Since communication is the foundation of any successful relationship, a boring or overly negative conversation can sink a first date, as can other factors you may not have considered.
If you’re no stranger to dating, you’ve probably had many first dates after meeting people through dating apps, mutual friends, and chance meetings, most of which didn’t lead anywhere. Not every first date will spark something more, but knowing certain first date tips can help you make the most of a date with the potential for connection.
While the following “dating rules” may apply to certain people in dating scenarios, they are not meant to be limiting. When you’re dating someone else, you both are responsible for determining the “rules” of your relationship. What works for one couple might not work for everyone else, and that’s okay – that’s the beauty of dating!
Is It A Date?
While it may seem silly, the first question to ask yourself when dating a new person is, “Is this actually a date?” You want to be very clear on this one to avoid getting your hopes up. You don’t want to assume it’s a date and then realize that the other person is just looking for a one-time hook-up. Modern dating practices have been labeled “hook-up culture” practices, which can make clarifying expectations upfront an important part of setting up a date.
In the past, it was typically frowned upon to hookup, or engage in anything past a kiss on the first date. Many of these views are antiquated, however, and modern health advocates place a much greater emphasis on comfort, self-respect, and consent, rather than placing arbitrary rules on physical involvement and the number of dates a potential couple has gone on.
Instead of relying on first date sparks, hints, and speculation, don’t be afraid to ask whether or not it’s a date directly. Dates usually involve more planning and structure than hook-ups. Also, communication is a make-or-break factor on a first date. A first date conversation is often structured to optimize getting to know one another and gauging compatibility, while hookups are designed to provide both participants with pleasure, rather than the weighty expectations of a potential relationship.
Although dating and hooking up are the most likely possibilities, there’s also the possibility that it’s just a friendly get-together if they invited you out. Ask if there will be other people there if you’re aiming for a romantic night, to avoid embarrassment or confusion.
Should You Kiss On The First Date?
Is it advisable to engage in a kiss on the initial encounter? The decision to kiss on the first date is a highly individual matter, contingent upon various factors such as the interpersonal chemistry, the comfort levels of both parties involved, and the opportune moment for such an expression. Research indicates that approximately 70% of participants have embraced a kiss on their inaugural date.
Nervousness may contribute to the initial kiss being somewhat awkward, yet refraining from seizing the opportunity might convey a lack of interest to your potential romantic partner. Effective communication is essential to avoid misunderstandings. If you are disinclined to kiss on the first date, communicate this to your companion. Conversely, if you desire a kiss, express your inclination openly. Establishing open lines of communication is crucial to ensuring both you and your date feel at ease, secure, and acknowledged during your outing.
Irrespective of your stance on the matter, confidently articulating your preferences can either be appealing to your potential partner or serve as a filtering mechanism to identify compatibility. In essence, self-assurance in expressing your boundaries or desires is ultimately beneficial.
Practical advice involves being prepared and allowing the moment to unfold naturally if you aspire to share a kiss on the initial date. Prioritize oral hygiene with floss and breath mints, and embrace the opportunity if it presents itself. However, it is important not to be overly disheartened if circumstances do not align for a kiss. Individuals vary in their comfort levels with first-date intimacy, and some may require several encounters to sense the gradual development of chemistry.
First Date Rules You Need To Know
Before you go out, keep in mind the following plans for a first date to feel more organized and less anxious about having a wonderful first date. The first date is important, because it helps you assess whether you want to pursue a relationship with them, but the anticipation doesn’t have to send you spiraling into a panic attack. Keep your calm and commit to making it a fun first date—even if things don’t go the way you planned.
Listen More than You Talk
As we delve into the intricacies of interpersonal communication, particularly in the context of dating, it’s crucial to emphasize the significance of active listening. Despite the natural inclination to showcase one’s achievements and engage in captivating conversation, it’s equally important to redirect our focus towards our date’s expressions.
In the realm of dating etiquette, actively listening not only demonstrates genuine interest but also fosters a connection by conveying that you value and appreciate the thoughts and experiences of your date. Consider this act of attentive listening as a key element in creating a positive impression and contributing to a healthy foundation for potential relationships.
Let’s recognize that communication serves as a potent indicator of relationship health. If you find yourself grappling with the ability to truly listen to your partner, it might signify a lack of interest, and conversely, their level of engagement also reflects their investment in the interaction. So, let’s strive to enhance our listening skills, observing not only our own attentiveness but also gauging the reciprocation from our date, thus nurturing a more meaningful and connected experience.
Set Your Phone Aside
If you have a habit (as most of us do) of scrolling through your phone during any free moment, you need to be aware and prepare accordingly. A glance is one thing, but if you’re flipping through your phone frequently during your date, the other person will probably get annoyed and think that you’re bored or uninterested. No one wants to waste their time, and this kind of behavior will lower your chances of a second date. After all, no one ever exclaimed, “It was a great first date! They stared at their phone the entire night. I can’t wait to see them again!”
Keep Your Date Expectations Realistic
No need to unleash your inner Rockefeller on the first date. Even if you’re head over heels or attempting to impress, don’t turn your wallet into a crime scene. Trust me, if things go well, you don’t want to be stuck in a perpetual one-upper battle on subsequent dates. Start things off on a light note – opt for a casual and enjoyable location where conversation can flow.
There are plenty of budget-friendly first date options that won’t leave you selling your kidney on the black market. It’s helpful to have a clue about your date’s interests. Are they the hopeless romantic type, or did your initial connection involve a shared passion for video games? You can always throw the ball in their court and ask for suggestions. Even if your date turns out to be a dud, at least you’ll have a story to tell.
Romantic Dinner Date Ideas (Without Breaking the Bank):
1. An offbeat, hole-in-the-wall restaurant they’ve never tried
2. A homemade dinner and a rented movie (bonus points if you both can cook)
3. A restaurant with live music (as long as you can still exchange words)
4. A city stroll with a pit stop for street food
5. Trying out that elusive ethnic cuisine you’ve both been curious about
6. A picnic in the great outdoors (nature: the original romantic setting)
Chill and Casual Date Ideas:
1. Taking a cooking or dance class together (and potentially discovering hidden talents)
2. Joining a karaoke night for a laugh or two
3. Exploring a nearby town like tourists
4. Catching a comedy show to tickle those funny bones
5. Swapping quirky first date gifts (who said romance can’t be goofy?)
6. Enjoying live music in the park (because tunes make everything better)
Don’t Give Them The Impression That You’re A Stalker
Even if you’re interested in your date and have already scanned through their public social media profiles out of innocent curiosity, don’t bring up something you saw on their profile if you want to make it a great first date. The same goes for any information you may have discovered while searching their name on Google. There’s no shame in looking up someone, especially if you’re prioritizing your safety and well-being. Bringing up these findings on the first date, however, might make them uneasy, since it’s just the first date. They may feel concerned that you’ve based your first impression off irrelevant or inaccurate information, or they may feel defensive because they weren’t privy to any of your social media information prior to the first date. While it’s perfectly normal to scope out your date, you don’t need to talk about it unless you want to come off as a snoopy.
Wear Comfortable Shoes
This advice isn’t just regarding your height in relation to your dates. Since dress shoes make it more difficult to walk comfortably, wearing them can limit your mobility and irritate your feet if you end up going for a stroll or dancing. It’s best to wear comfortable shoes since your date probably won’t be paying much attention to your feet and you want to feel as comfortable as possible.
Maintain A Dialogue, Not A Debate
If you’re passionate about your political beliefs, you may be tempted to bring them up during a first date. After all, you don’t want to start getting invested in a potential love interest, only to realize you two have conflicting views on issues that are close to your heart.
It’s suggested to keep controversial, emotionally fraught topics and strong political opinions for at least the second date. The only exception is when you’re sure that you and your date share the same political views. However, if things begin to get heated, it’s probably time to switch subjects, as few people consider a heated, contentious debate a great first date.
Minimize Alcohol
A drink can settle anxious nerves and loosen your tongue, but several consumed within a short time frame can prove problematic. You want to maintain control during a first date and not be too impulsive in what you say or do. You also don’t want to give the impression that you have a substance use problem. Keep the drinks to a minimum and practice slowing down your breathing, instead, if you are searching for a way to soothe your nerves.
Mirror Their Movements To Appear Interested
Body language is universal among human beings, no matter their backgrounds. Up to 93% of our communication as humans may be non-verbal. One way to make your date feel at ease and engaged is to mirror their body language. You may already do this subconsciously, but you can also make a conscious effort to make your date feel heard, seen, and at ease.
You don’t want to make it obvious what you’re doing by directly matching huge gestures and movements. Still, subtly copying your date’s body language—using similar hand gestures, returning their smile, and positioning yourself in the same way they are—can show that you’re interested and help establish a connection.
Don’t talk about the fucking past Relationships ?
It’s okay to mention your exes in passing, but you want to avoid spending more than a minute or two speaking about past relationships. Resist dwelling on memories of your ex, even if your breakup isn’t far in your past. Not only will it give the impression that you’re not over them, but you may make your date feel like you’d rather be elsewhere. If you want it to be a great first date, avoid talking about any other dates you’ve had in the past, and focus your attention on the present.
What If It Doesn’t Work Out?
Did you go on a date with your long-time crush, only to experience rejection at the end of the night? Have you been on a string of first dates without any follow-up calls? Dating issues can erode your self-esteem and optimism over time. You may begin to doubt yourself, leading to more anxiety and less motivation to seek a relationship.
A therapist can help you work through issues affecting your self-esteem and teach tools for more effective dating, including offering advice, online dating encouragement, and communication techniques. By evaluating consistent pitfalls and going over your fears and concerns with a mental health professional, you may be able to determine the source of any struggles you may be facing and work through any baggage that weighs you down.
Regain.us provides affordable, expert advice online (dating or otherwise) to help get to the root of your relationship woes and develop healthy tools to improve your mental health and relationships. Regain users can schedule sessions with their online therapist at convenient times, and even text them directly (like in the moments before meeting a first date!) There is also no need to travel to an in-person therapist’s office when you use Regain – you can speak one-on-one with your counselor from any location with a secure internet connection.
Multiple studies reveal how online therapy is beneficial for people whose mental health conditions may be interfering with their overall happiness in life and within relationships. After all, low self-esteem has been associated with health problems like anxiety and depression. In one recent study, participants diagnosed with either anxiety or depression went through an online therapist-guided intervention based on cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT is a kind of talk therapy that counselors employ to help people reframe negative thought processes into positive ones. After the intervention concluded, participants showed robust reductions in symptoms of anxiety and depression.
Takeaway
Of course, low self-esteem isn’t necessarily an indicator of a mental health condition, and there’s no shame in seeking the support of a therapist without a mental health diagnosis. An online therapist can be an asset in someone’s life, acting as someone who can help you generate date ideas, come up with conversation starters, or show more confident body language. Your experience with your therapist will be completely determined by your goals. When you’re ready, reach out to an online counselor at Regain today to start improving your dating life and overall self-confidence.
