And the Lies Men Must Tell
Pict: Crissy Moran Danni.com
To some women, men are an enigma.
They tend to know how we behave, but the reasons why we behave that way are not so clear to them. Therefore, they try to figure us out by asking a bunch of questions that we simply cannot answer truthfully because they’ll either be offended, disappointed or … crazy angry.
So, we lie as we attempt to tell them what they would like to hear. What other choice do we have?
Here are some questions women love to ask and the lies men must tell.
1. What are you thinking about?
What men usually think:
“Who would win in a fight between a bear and a shark? It depends on the fighting ground. Is it land or sea? I mean the bear has the advantage on land, but the bear could also have an advantage close to shore.”
or
Something so meaningless, it was forgotten as soon as the thought was interrupted.
Popular answer(s): “Nothing.” “You.” “How pretty you are”
The Truth: Nothing remotely related to what women expect to hear.
2. Do you have any secrets?
What men usually think:
Oh, dammit. What did she find out? Do I have anything to confess? No. All right, let’s play it cool.
or
“Shiiiiiiit!”
Popular answer(s): “No, I don’t keep secrets from you.” “What? Who you been talking to?” “Of course not. I’m an open book.”
The Truth: Everybody has secrets. A lot of men have secrets that won’t affect the relationship, but it will still invite unwanted criticism. No guy wants to feel bad about attending a comic book club or fantasy draft because his girl thinks of it as nerd central.
FYI: Comic books have always been cool and are now a billion-dollar a year industry. What’s nerdy about that?
3. Do you think I’m pretty?
What men usually think:
“What the hell? Who’s responsible for this sudden insecurity? God, why have you forsaken me?”
or
“Shit on a fucking stick!”
Popular answer(s): “Of course i do.” “I don’t date ugly chicks.” “You’re the envy of all women.”
The Truth: Of course he finds you attractive. He also finds other women attractive as well; just like you find other men attractive. All that matters is that he is with you and he finds you attractive enough that he harasses you for sex.
Ladies, please don’t dismiss the answer by saying, “You’re just saying that because you’re my boyfriend.” If that’s how you really feel, don’t waste our time by asking stupid questions.
4. Do you masturbate/watch porn?
What men usually think:
“The fuck?! Did she find the stash? Be cool! Don’t show fear.”
or
“Shit balls!”
Popular answer(s): “Whaaaaattttt?” “No. I don’t have the time.” “Of course not. That’s disgusting.” “Sometimes.” “Why? You want to watch some?”
The Truth: Yes. Everyone does. Everyone!
5. What are your fantasies?
What men usually think:
“Oh, shit. Should I tell her? Nah. She’ll judge me.”
Popular answer(s): “Whaaaaattttt?” “No. We’ve lived out all my fantasies” “Fantasies are for chicks.”
The Truth: Maybe. However, men fear being judged or being viewed as disgusting when it comes to their fantasies, so they play it safe and keep it to themselves.
6. Do you think she’s (random hot stranger or celebrity) pretty?
What men usually think:
“No, I think she’s hot as shit, but I can’t say that because you’ll get mad at me. I’m playing this one safe.”
Popular answer(s): “Whaaaaattttt?” “Hell, no.” “I only have eyes for you, baby.” “I don’t know who you’re referring to?”
The Truth: Maybe. But why the hell would he tell you? You’ll just get mad and, if the girl seems to have something you don’t, you’ll feel insecure. However, if you’re asking about Beyonce, Kim Kardashian or Zendaya, get ready to get your heart broken.
7. Would you change anything about me?
What men usually think:
“Sweet mother of God! Do I have ‘Idiot’ written on my forehead? Where to begin? No. Wait. Can’t be honest.”
Popular answer(s): “No” “Before, during or after your period?” “Of course not. I love you the way you are. Flaws and all”
The Truth: Of course he would. And unlike a lot of women, men don’t have passive-aggressive ways of forcing change on a person. He would change things about you in a heartbeat as long as it didn’t have any long term, nasty effects.
8. Have you ever lied to me?
What men usually think:
“Am I being punked? What the hell did she find out? Keep the poker face and play this cool.”
Popular answer(s): “Whaaaaattttt?” “No. Of course not.” “Sometimes. Little white lies.” “Yes. Here’s why …”
The Truth: Yes. More than you can possibly imagine. The worst part is that it’s about meaningless shit you don’t even really care about. He would rather lie than tell you the truth and see your reaction. For instance, whenever he goes to walk the dog he takes forever because he’s out getting a couple McDoubles because he secretly hates your cooking.
9. Am I good in bed?
What men usually think:
“Come on! I was just sitting here, minding my business, eating a bowl of fruits. Okay, My answer will define how much sex we’ll have in the next few weeks. However, I can’t make her think she’s the shit or else she might use sex as a bargaining chip. Why would she ask this?”
or
“Shit!”
Popular answer(s): “Yes.” “9/10” “Of course.” “That thing you do with your leg turns me on.” “Why?”
The Truth: Maybe. Maybe not. It could be a work in progress. We don’t really care. We’re very happy with having sex altogether.
10. Do I make you happy/Are you happy with me?
What men usually think:
“Should I tell the truth? Nah, too much drama. I’ll just lie.”
Popular answer(s): “Yes.”
The Truth: Not always. I highly doubt that a person can constantly be happy to be with someone else. There will be moments of happiness, but that’s not guaranteed. The lie has to be said regardless.
Crissy Moran (born December 22, 1975)[2] is a Christian public speaker who was a former American pornographic actress. She began working in adult entertainment in 1999, and between 2001 and 2006 had performed in over 50 adult films.[1][3] In 2006, Moran became a devout Christian and quit working in the adult industry
Featured image Crissy Moran
Happy lying!
CC writer: Stuart Wiseman
